hi, april.

seriously, the time button seriously feels like its stuck on fast forward.  heck.. today marks 16 years since front man, kurt cobain killed himself (4/8 was when he was found).  why do i remember these things?  i dont know.. well i know about this one b/c i was insanely in to them.

anywhoo...  

yesterday was easter.. but was the first easter that didn't feel like a real easter.  (whatever that is)  the family didn't get together like normal... for good reason, though.  extended family coming in NEXT week.. and we decided to feast later, hehe.   but yesterday i ended up going to the local theme park, busch gardens and spending the day there.  had a great time.. just far from "easterish".

here's me and chris on the train yesterday :)

what happened

to human contact?


i heart the internet and social media at its finest, ya'll. but seriously..  human to human communication should not all be lost.

observation...

i often feel uninspired and feel as if i lack the creative juices that just a few short years ago pumped through my veins.  however, ever so often, i get a burst/spurt of creative everything all at once.  i love this feeling.. but it seems like i then have so many ideas i don't know where to start... so i don't...

it eventually passes and i'm back to square one.

so ultimately, i feel like i don't do anything fun or creative anymore.

depressing.

2010, what have you done...

although we are already in the middle of three months, plenty of movement is among my circle, thus far, in 2010. 

birth, death, weddings, serious illness...  its just a lot for such a seemingly short time. 

life, what an indescribeable journey...

time flies

here it is, on the eve of  wednesday - the half way point in the working week.  i don't know about anyone else.. but time in the past couple of years, has just started to wiz by.  my work weeks are going by as equally fast as my weekends.  and although most people would find that a blessing (trust me, i'm not complaining about my work days not draaaagggggiiinnngggg on) i'm just finding it crazy/frantic/amazing/scary that time itself is just going way to fast for me.

although it certainly doesn't feel like i should still be in highschool - those days are far behind me now, it doesn't feel as if i should be turning the corner to 30 already.  THIRTY.  age has never really concerned me much... only as old as you feel.. yadda yadda... but..  30 just feels like... ya.. you're a real, OFFICIAL adult now.. haha. 

again, i'm not much one for minding of age.. just seems every year before my birthday, i start wondering what i have done since the last year... where was i... where am i now... where am i going..     and i still have about six months till my birthday.. i guess i just started thinking earlier about it b/c its the big 3-0.  just feels missing something right now... feels like i'm "forgetting" to do something ... as if i'm wasting my time not doing something important.. or heck, evening meaningful.  it's hard to describe.

me in '87 w/ an incredible marshmallow mustache :)  good times.

graveyard shift

what a beautiful day.  because of my hermit-like status, i'm admiring the sunshine and breeze from my computer desk.  :)

this weekend, although not completely over, has felt a bit too short.  got some needed things done - laundry, cleaning... also got in some family visits as well.. mom, step-dad, grandma... good times.
i also visited my grandpa's grave.  it's almost been two years since he has passed.  its so strange. 

i go there to "visit", but don't know exactly what to do.  i probably was there for a tops of 10 mins.. and at least 5 of those were spent locating his actual plot.  when i finally found him, the first thing that caught my eye was his "neighbor's" flowers where knocked over.  i straightened them.  the second thing that popped out was the attached plot/name plate/tombstone thingy to his - my grandma's.  she is thankfully still alive and well, but they already have her names engraved, just with an open "death date".  i know this isn't completely uncommon...  infact, my family in ohio has the same thing w/ my grandparents there.  regardless if its "normal" or not... doesn't make it any less creepy/odd to me.

i kneel down.. kinda stare..  notice the browness of the grass from the cold snap we recently had.  then just kinda sat there thinking..  "papaw.. i dont know what to say..  i just came here to let you know i still think about you." 

i dont know.. it felt "right" for me.. but i'm  not sure what the "right" thing to do is, when you're visiting a grave.  

/random thought babble

its the little things...

it's amazing what a little fresh air and sunshine can do.  for anyone who has read through my blog before, you may know that i work from home and in the past year and a half have become more of a hermit than i ever dreamt of becoming.  there are sometimes where i dont even peek outside my window at days at a time... and i often find myself dragging and just plain out feeling BLAH. 

today i got a surprise "IM" from my kinda, sorta mother in law (whom also works from home) and her and her employee invited me out just to run some errons and get starbucks.  It was just the pick up that i needed!  it was nice to get out of the house and actually being social with someone face to face instead of through txt or internet.  don't get me wrong, i love my internet and all the commincation that comes with it.. but apparently i've been under estimating the power of real life human contact.

yay for little things that brighten your day!